Blog
Helping people thrive.
1 in 5 People Are Highly Sensitive: What Does This Mean For Your Relationship?
Are you somebody (or in a relationship with somebody), who thinks about things really deeply, feels emotions intensely, and who becomes easily overwhelmed by noises, smells, sights, crowds, new places, being rushed, being judged, getting tired, becoming hungry… simply overwhelmed by life itself at times?
Maybe I’m describing you? Or maybe it’s your partner, child, relative, friend, neighbour, colleague or boss that comes to mind.
Common Relationship Errors
I'm looking forward to working with a lot of couples this year. Some will be looking to make their already pretty good relationships even better.
But many will be looking to rescue their pretty bad relationships and turn relationship unhappiness and discontent around.
What can you do to build a successful relationship? And how can you avoid even getting to the place where seeing a marriage therapist starts sounding like a necessary idea?
Truly happy and successful relationships happen when partners stop making basic relationship errors, and start relating in healthy ways.
5 Steps to a Healthy Relationship Culture
One of the most frequent comments that I hear from couples in distress is "We've just grown apart".
And one of the most frequent questions they want answered is of course "Where did that connection go, and how do we get it back?"
Think of your relationship as having its own unique culture. What are the unique routines, rituals and habits that define the way you both live and love?
We can't connect if we are living in a relationship culture that disconnects us.
Your relationship may be feeling a little shaky right now. Or it may be totally great… and you want to keep it that way.
How To Know When to Speak Up About a Relationship Issue
Ask anyone what it takes to have a great marriage and chances are you'll hear "Good communication".
Indeed, "We don't communicate" is one of the most common complaints I hear from couples when they present for relationship therapy.
However when you stop to think about it, there's really no such thing as not communicating. You could be growling or yelling at each other, or avoiding and ignoring each other completely… either way, you're still communicating. You're just not doing it well.
Switch From Complaint to Request for a Happier Relationship
Ever been in a relationship with a complainer? Or perhaps you're prone to a bit of complaining and whinging yourself when your relationship isn't going right?
All of us have days when we feel inconvenienced, annoyed, or even outright furious about something our partner is (or is not) doing.
It makes sense that we should be able to communicate to our partner when we're not OK about something. Everyone knows that good communication is important for good relationships.
Why Shutting Up and Keeping Quiet Is a Really Bad Relationship Option: a Case Study
It was their first couples therapy session and already I was hearing the same story that I've heard from so many other couples over so many years.
"Melissa" was describing how her husband doesn't speak up enough. He doesn't offer opinions, or make decisions, she says. She feels like she's the only adult in the relationship and she wants a husband who is more like a partner than just another one of the kids.
Sick of Nagging?
Choose a behaviour that you can repeat numerous times every single day. Then repeat this for weeks, months, years and decades. Make sure it's a behaviour that brings out the worst in you, really annoys and exhausts you, never feels good, and leaves you feeling bitter, resentful, and angry towards the people you love.
Sick of Being Nagged?
Imagine a day when from the moment you got up, someone followed you around telling you that everything you're doing is wrong. Even when you make an effort to do something right, it goes unnoticed. And if you make one small mistake you're criticised for being hopeless and blamed for never trying hard enough.
"From the very first session I really liked your approach with us, because you were not biased and also you were so clear and direct.”
Craig, Maroochydore
“Pamela has an ability to explain concepts very clearly. She helped us see how we could interpret things differently and make changes to reduce everybody's stress.”
Bec & Dave, Coolum
“After completing Pamela's Couples Toolkit, everything has changed. We now know how to really listen, so we both feel confident discussing any issue (rather than avoid it as we would so often do before). We don't get stuck when things go off track - we now know how to repair quickly. No more cycles of fighting followed by silence - it's such a massive relief. Thanks so much Pamela.”
Ruby & Matt, Sunshine Coast
