Ever been in a relationship with a complainer? Or perhaps you're prone to a bit of complaining and whinging yourself when your relationship isn't going right?

All of us have days when we feel inconvenienced, annoyed, or even outright furious about something our partner is (or is not) doing.

It makes sense that we should be able to communicate to our partner when we're not OK about something. Everyone knows that good communication is important for good relationships.

It was their first couples therapy session and already I was hearing the same story that I've heard from so many other couples over so many years.

"Melissa" was describing how her husband doesn't speak up enough. He doesn't offer opinions, or make decisions, she says. She feels like she's the only adult in the relationship and she wants a husband who is more like a partner than just another one of the kids.

Choose a behaviour that you can repeat numerous times every single day. Then repeat this for weeks, months, years and decades. Make sure it's a behaviour that brings out the worst in you, really annoys and exhausts you, never feels good, and leaves you feeling bitter, resentful, and angry towards the people you love.

Imagine a day when from the moment you got up, someone followed you around telling you that everything you're doing is wrong. Even when you make an effort to do something right, it goes unnoticed. And if you make one small mistake you're criticised for being hopeless and blamed for never trying hard enough.