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1 in 5 People Are Highly Sensitive: What Does This Mean For Your Relationship?
Are you somebody (or in a relationship with somebody), who thinks about things really deeply, feels emotions intensely, and who becomes easily overwhelmed by noises, smells, sights, crowds, new places, being rushed, being judged, getting tired, becoming hungry… simply overwhelmed by life itself at times?
Maybe I’m describing you? Or maybe it’s your partner, child, relative, friend, neighbour, colleague or boss that comes to mind.
Self Care For The Highly Sensitive Person
Psychotherapist, researcher, and author Elaine Aron coined the term Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) in the mid 90’s and her ongoing work in the field has been changing the lives of sensitive people (and those in relationships with them) ever since.
1 in 5 of us have the high sensitivity trait (you can do the quick self-test here): that’s 20% of all people who are uniquely different in very real ways from the other 80%. Research has identified similar findings within the animal world too.
HSP’s are unique: we’re different in good ways… and in ways that are potentially problematic.
Common Thinking Habits That Poison Relationships
Falling in love and being in relationships can at times do crazy things to the way people think. Rational, sensible people with rational, sensible thinking habits can get a little tangled up in thinking habits that aren't rational and sensible at all.
This is fine when the irrational thoughts are merely about how lucky we are that we've found the most attractive partner ever to walk the earth, or that we are clearly the first and only couple ever to be so happily in love.
It's not so fine when the initial loved up phase ends and the inevitable differences arise, bringing with them tough relationship challenges. Partners really do need rational, sensible thinking if they are going to navigate their way through normal relationship ups and downs successfully.
For partners wanting a great relationship that's healthy and strong, it's crucial to know what irrational thinking sounds like and to correct it when it does.
The Harsh Inner Critic. Ouch.
What is it?
It's an internal "voice" that delivers a running commentary on what we do and who we are, as we go about our daily life.
We might hear it when we embarrass ourselves, and we hear an internal voice saying: "You idiot. You are such a loser!" Or when we look in the mirror: "You're so fat! You're so unfit! You're so ugly!" Or when we see couples all around us and we haven't even found a partner: "You're alone because you're unlovable! No one will ever marry you!"
Why is it there?
7 Strategies for Reconnecting With Yourself
Life is a long journey. Everyone gets lost at various points along the way.
The problem with getting lost is that we don't realise we are lost because we've gone numb. We're still living and loving but we're doing it "asleep" from our own innate wisdom and soul.
Then one day we realise we're lost and we start trying to reconnect. It's frustrating if we can't find what we are looking for.
The following 7 strategies have made the process easier for many of the clients who have shared their journeys with me. Maybe they will help you find yourself too.
"From the very first session I really liked your approach with us, because you were not biased and also you were so clear and direct.”
Craig, Maroochydore
“Pamela has an ability to explain concepts very clearly. She helped us see how we could interpret things differently and make changes to reduce everybody's stress.”
Bec & Dave, Coolum
“After completing Pamela's Couples Toolkit, everything has changed. We now know how to really listen, so we both feel confident discussing any issue (rather than avoid it as we would so often do before). We don't get stuck when things go off track - we now know how to repair quickly. No more cycles of fighting followed by silence - it's such a massive relief. Thanks so much Pamela.”
Ruby & Matt, Sunshine Coast
